The biggest thing I have against me (and have had against me in my industry) is that I’m a woman.
I grew up a cis, white, upper middle class girl who had every opportunity available to her and whose prime bullying and hardships came from not being popular, or not being as smart as people who got A’s on every test. I didn’t grow up ostracized or different. I feel silly writing this, because I know my background. It helps.) For a long time, I was afraid to be outgoing. I often try to think of him walking into a room with all his sheer confidence and not giving a flying fuck about what someone thinks of him or his past when I have to push myself into an uncomfortable situation.
(I have a lot of people I admire for different reasons, and one of them is Robert Downey Jr. I can take criticism (and believe me, as a writer, I’ve learned how to take a lot of it) but one thing I can’t seem to shake is the worry of what people think of me. She’s not as big as Fjord or Yasha, she doesn’t have magic like Caleb, she doesn’t have confidence like Jester, she doesn’t have a built-up wall of “fuck it” emotions like Beau, she doesn’t have an easygoing outlook on life like Caduceus (and Molly). It’s funny to me that I found an outlet in theater - being on stage allowed me to feel confident despite the fact I was placing myself in front of dozens of people, and I had every opportunity to embarrass myself a lot more badly than people staring at me because I asked to go to the bathroom in the middle of a history lesson. But as my personality started to blossom, I became shy - the kind of person who overthought how people would look at her if she spoke up without any prompting, and who anxiously panicked over raising her hand to interrupt the teacher so she could go to the bathroom. I was a fun-loving, creative kid - the kind with big dreams, who shouted at people to watch her perform and sing and wanted to enter all the talent contests and dreamed of being an actor. Nothing like someone noticing a part of you and being vocal about how odd it is that you’re not screaming loudly across a kitchen table.) And none of these things are a lie. (Hell, I was once called out by my former best friend’s mom because I was quiet. These are things that I have heard over and over again, in various iterations, throughout most of my life.
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